Simon | 26 | Swindon, England | Product Marketing Manager
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OK, so I've been saying I'm going to write this for ages and the trouble I kept finding was that I didn't know where to start. When I was growing up I was always a quiet kid; unassuming with no real talent or passion for anything. I just felt a bit... well... different. It's something I couldn't really put my finger on, I just grew up staying in the corner; a little chubby and bullied a little in school but nothing I was really crying myself to sleep over. Whenever the subject of girls came up I just thought a girl was really nice and thought how cool it would be to fancy her. I guess I didn't really think that there was any other option available to me other to fancy girls. I don't know if I can say for certain that there was a moment where I remember thinking that I fancied a guy but I think it was probably seeing the Freddie Ljunberg CK brief ads. However, the thought of actually being gay, let alone coming out scared the hell out of me. Every gay person I saw on TV and in the media at that time was camp or a stereotype of someone and something that I didnt want to be (or for people to see my as). "I was Simon and I liked football for Christ's sake - and no gay person liked football." |
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Obviously this thought was one I later realised was woefully wrong but at the time was very real to me. Anyway, after the rise of the internet I finally got the courage to start meeting guys and exploring my sexuality. Some made me feel like I would never want to come out and the stress of university life and working full time at the age of 22 was really getting to me. After a bit of a breakdown after graduating it came to the stage where I decided to go travelling on my own and escape life for a while. During 2010 I spent an incredible year in South America getting to know me, just me. Who I was, what motivated me, what I wanted out of life and what I really felt about myself and about my sexuality.
It's going to sound cheesy but I just simply opened myself up to the world. I came back with resolutions of how I wanted to live my life.
Rule 1 - Be Happy
Rule 2 - Be True
Rule 3 - Be Brave
Easy, right?
I'd moved back in with my parents, back to my hometown, on returning home from travelling and simply went for the 'Be Happy' mark. Within nine months I'd lost nearly four stone (56 lbs) and my self confidence was sky rocketing. I'd secured a great graduate programme to kickstart my career and there was just one thing left to conquer - coming out.
A drunken night out lead to me texting two of my closest friends. I cried myself to sleep at the thought of what they were going to say and how they were going to say it. The thought of it made me feel sick; my life had changed forever. Needless to say their reaction was very supportive and reassuring. I was not going to simply be put into some gay box - I was me, I was Simon and nothing could change that.
Slowly over the next few months I told close friends, always after a few drinks it has to be said. I'd made some gay friends with the help of a certain orange and black app who began to show me the gay world and to my great surprise it wasn't all stereotypes.
A drunken night out lead to me texting two of my closest friends. I cried myself to sleep at the thought of what they were going to say and how they were going to say it. The thought of it made me feel sick; my life had changed forever. Needless to say their reaction was very supportive and reassuring. I was not going to simply be put into some gay box - I was me, I was Simon and nothing could change that.
Slowly over the next few months I told close friends, always after a few drinks it has to be said. I'd made some gay friends with the help of a certain orange and black app who began to show me the gay world and to my great surprise it wasn't all stereotypes.
"I began to feel safe and happy with the person I was becoming."
In November 2011 I met someone who would change my life forever. After several short flings and bad dates I finally met someone who I felt like I could see myself being in a relationship with. An intense dating period lead to me understanding the song lyrics that I had always listened to! Sounds lame I know, but at the age of 25 I couldn't believe it had finally happened. He gave me confidence and I just felt like I could tell him anything. It was the confidence and security I needed to come out to my family.
After much thought and deliberation I decided to tell my Dad first and not my Mum. I took him to the pub, bought him a pint, sat him down and told him I had met someone. A bloke. His reaction was muted and he couldn't help but show his disappointment. He told me he loved me, gave me a hug and promised he would always be there for me. I couldn't face telling my Mum and sister and asked him to do it for me. My Mum was more hurt by the fact I hadn't told her first more than anything. I got what I assume are the normal questions of 'is it a phase?' and 'are you sure?' and to be honest, it was a little awkward for a while.
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"It took a few months for things to get back to normal but having the support of someone who I loved made me feel amazing. All in all I had never felt so happy." Throughout 2012 my family accepted me and my partner into their lives and it was fantastic. Sadly after 15 amazing months I split with my partner last year but for all of the right reasons. I will always be grateful for him being part of my journey. |
It's taken me a few months to get over it, but by writing my story and seeing the amazing work that Wayne and RUComingOut are doing, it has inspired me to be 'more me' than I ever have been. Who know's what the future will bring? All I would say to anyone who is thinking about coming out is - do it. In your own time, in your own way but do it. Life will never be the same again, it will be better.
Follow Simon on Twitter - @snorman42
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