Rachel | 31 | Membership Development Officer | West Midlands, England
When I came out it was the greatest day life my life!!!!
Where to start? I've thought about doing this for a few months now, but tonight I have finally got around to writing it down....
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I was 11 and at a taster day at my high school. With sport being my favourite subject, I was loving the fact we had the whole afternoon doing it. So I was in heaven already when I saw one of the PE teachers. I was like “OMG - she is perfect!”
I'd never felt like that about anyone before and I thought it was a phase. I never told anyone how I felt I just thought it was because I grew up surrounded by lads - my Bruv Andy, my cousins Yosa and Shelly (a girl, but I couldn't miss her out) and all the lads in the street of which there are too many to mention! During my childhood I wasn’t interested in boys at all I was obsessed with sports and you all know why! The fact I was at county level in hockey was a bonus as it helped me spend more time in the sports hall! I even played netball when they were short, but netball is a crazy game where you can't move and they blow the whistle - what's all that about!? "I will never forget the first time I ever spoke about being a lesbian. |
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I had just left school so I had a cheeky little drink, took a deep breath and walked over to my PE teacher and asked if I could talk to her. She said yes and so we went outside. I think she knew what I was going to ask before I opened my mouth so I just said, “How do you know?” without being specific. She replied, “Lockie, you just know!” And then she said that I would be OK, held my hand and winked at me. I knew I was a lesbian but too ashamed to say it but having that chat was like a massive weight had been lifted of my shoulders.
I thought that now I'd spoken to my PE teacher I would be able to come out - but no. I was too scared of the reaction I would get off my family and friends. Everyone sees me all happy and jolly and I didn't want them to think any less of me if I was a lesbian. So I spent the next 11 carrying on as before. I have got the most wonderful friends and family so I was always very busy, which meant I didn't really have time for a relationship anyway.
I have been a life long Beverley Knight fan and I worked down the road from the local radio station where she was promoting her 100% album. I was on holiday when she was there but one of the presenters knew how much I liked her so she asked her to sign my cds for me, which she happily did. I listened to the interview on DAB and heard Bev talking about Twitter. I wondered what it was like so I signed up and very soon after I got a reply from Beverley. This gave me a confidence boost and I began to use Twitter more and more as a way of connecting with people.
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So I found myself with a new group of friends and I started going out in and around London and Essex which was when I was introduced to Soho. OMG! I was like a kid in the candy shop! On Saturday 3rd of July 2010 I was in London for my first ever pride – I still had not come out! I spent the lovely sunny day supporting a friend at a national swimming event then hit the town for pride. After going back to the hotel to get changed we made our way to the tube station – we were having so much fun laughing and joking – it just felt the right time for me to say I'm a lesbian.
"We got on the tube and I was like, “Right OK, what do I do? |
My friends hugged me and we carried on our way to Soho; it was just great! So after telling my friends I knew it was time to tell my family. I was in London until the Monday and then when heading back I was filled with fear. I can't remember anything of the Saturday night or Sunday I was just panicking about going home to tell my family on the Monday.
I got home at about 5pm just in time for my dad getting back home from work. I unpacked all my things from the weekend and had the normal conversation with Dad about how my weekend was etc. After that I said to him that we needed to talk. My mouth was so dry he asked me if everything was OK. I told him that things had never been better! I took a deep breathe and said, "Dad I'm a lesbian". After a few seconds of silence he wrapped his arms around me and said, "I still love ya - you’re my daughter". So that was dad told! We have got a really close family so I had a planned journey in my head which involved the next 45 minutes visiting my brothers and aunties and telling them myself. I can honestly say it was the scariest 45 minutes of my life, but the best at the same time. I could finally be me without worrying about what people thought. My family and close friends were all good! I can remember after telling my auntie and cousins that I crumbled and burst into tears - tears of joy and relief off though; I was so happy. Over the next few days I spoke to my friends and they all said that they already knew! I remember wondering why I stressed so much.
I got home at about 5pm just in time for my dad getting back home from work. I unpacked all my things from the weekend and had the normal conversation with Dad about how my weekend was etc. After that I said to him that we needed to talk. My mouth was so dry he asked me if everything was OK. I told him that things had never been better! I took a deep breathe and said, "Dad I'm a lesbian". After a few seconds of silence he wrapped his arms around me and said, "I still love ya - you’re my daughter". So that was dad told! We have got a really close family so I had a planned journey in my head which involved the next 45 minutes visiting my brothers and aunties and telling them myself. I can honestly say it was the scariest 45 minutes of my life, but the best at the same time. I could finally be me without worrying about what people thought. My family and close friends were all good! I can remember after telling my auntie and cousins that I crumbled and burst into tears - tears of joy and relief off though; I was so happy. Over the next few days I spoke to my friends and they all said that they already knew! I remember wondering why I stressed so much.
"People take you for who and what you are.
My friends love me for being me and they don't care what my sexuality is."
I think to myself why did it take me so many years to come out, but the only answer I can give is that Saturday 3rd July 2010 was my time. I have never been happier!
Follow Rachel on Twitter - @Lockie1981
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