Oliver | 17 | Stoke on Trent, England
Hi, I've been reading a lot of the stories on this website & thought I'd give mine.
I'm 17 now, but at the time of coming out I'd say I was about 15 or 16 and it was a really tough time. It all started off when I was at school and I started to have feelings towards my best friend. I thought nothing of it because I didn't know what it was. Anyway, weeks passed & these feelings were still there, but I still didn't know what to do or anything. So, confused, I told my best friend that I was gay. He was completely fine with that, but I also told him that I had feelings for him, this he wasn't so pleased about.
Looking back I think the only reason I told him I had these feelings is because I wanted him to reciprocate them. He didn't, however. So of course, I asked him not to tell anybody and fair play to him, he didn't. We did start to drift apart though at this point.
There was also another friend who I'd thought was good looking and I had feelings for. I told him exactly what I told my best friend and also asked him to keep it to himself and he did, for a short while.
I'm 17 now, but at the time of coming out I'd say I was about 15 or 16 and it was a really tough time. It all started off when I was at school and I started to have feelings towards my best friend. I thought nothing of it because I didn't know what it was. Anyway, weeks passed & these feelings were still there, but I still didn't know what to do or anything. So, confused, I told my best friend that I was gay. He was completely fine with that, but I also told him that I had feelings for him, this he wasn't so pleased about.
Looking back I think the only reason I told him I had these feelings is because I wanted him to reciprocate them. He didn't, however. So of course, I asked him not to tell anybody and fair play to him, he didn't. We did start to drift apart though at this point.
There was also another friend who I'd thought was good looking and I had feelings for. I told him exactly what I told my best friend and also asked him to keep it to himself and he did, for a short while.
We had an argument about something really stupid and didn't really involve either of us but this lead to him telling pretty much everyone in our friendship group about me, and I really wasn't ready for this. At this point, I was not even convinced I was completely gay, I was pretty sure that it was just a phase and that eventually, these feelings would go away. I kept telling myself this, simply because I was in denial and I was scared of what people would think of me. It's safe to say that this was the turning point in my life. Every day from then on at college was an actual nightmare. People were looking and staring and I wasn't good under this pressure, under the spotlight of the entire school. I had lost every single bit of confidence I had and completely distanced myself from absolutely everyone.
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I tried to explain things and I tried to talk to people but this would only make things worse because I was that scared and in denial that I would say really stupid things and come across as really weird. I wasn't though, I just couldn't accept the fact that I was gay because after all, the word 'gay' is thrown around so often at High School in a negative way when really it isn't anything to be ashamed of.
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There were a few people who really did have issues with me, posting Facebook statuses etc. and these people led me to believe that everyone was like that. That everyone would be talking about me, making statuses about me, calling me names. When really, it was only a minority of people that actually did these things. The months passed and I still hadn't changed, I had however, began to accept the fact that I am gay and that this is who I am.
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The one thing I still couldn't do was interact with my friends the way I used to be able to do. I feared them. I had about 10 weeks of counselling but that didn't help either. I felt the only way for me to overcome all of this fear and all of this anxiousness was to completely get away. I felt like I had lost every single person in my life, I couldn't talk to anyone properly about what was going on in my head.
The next step for me was weighing up whether or not all of this hassle, all of this grief that was on my back constantly every single day was actually worth it. Whether I should just give up or not. I didn't give up. I did the opposite really; I got through the last few months of high school and just quit education altogether, leaving everyone behind. I went into a full time job, 9-5 and didn't speak to any of my friends. That's when things got better. The pressure was off me, the judgemental people weren't there day in and day out. I was free and I was able to be whoever I wanted to be and I wanted to be myself. Ever since then, I have been myself. |
"I can proudly say to any person
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I just wanted to share my story so that teenagers who are having a bad time struggling with their feelings and not knowing who to go that things really do get better. You just have to embrace who you are, accept it and if anyone has a problem, then it's THEIR problem, not YOURS. You are who you are and don't let anyone ever change you because the minute you do, then you are lying to yourself and to everyone that cares about you.
This is the first time that I’ve ever written about any of this, so hopefully it's been an interesting read for you all! Follow Ollie on Twitter - @OliverCorbett_ |
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