Nico | 27| London, England | Accounts Manager


I am not going to lie; I didn't want to be gay. I didn't want to be different. So it took me some time to realise that I was looking at the boys in my school because I was gay, not because I was jealous of their muscles and beards (that I so desperately lacked!)

People had been calling me names but at the time I didn't know I was gay. I am not even sure I knew what 'being gay' meant. For me, I was just too mature to hang out with those childish guys, preferring the more sophisticated company of girls. I would ignore them, barricading myself within my own skin. I guess, as they say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. 

After months and years I came to realise that I was different but I wasn't ready to do anything about it. I threw myself into my studies and tried not to think about it; I even had a girlfriend. It only lasted two weeks and I never went out looking for it, it kind of just happened. 

I left school after my A-levels, feeling happier but with no illusions about Uni. In France, people tend to go to the nearest university to where they grew up. I would know, if not most, at least a lot of the students there. Freedom would have to wait. Besides, I was setting my sights on other things; big plans to move to London and meet my Mr Right. Only I did it the other way round! 

He was English and I met him during my third year at Uni. We are no longer together but it is partly due to him that I am who I am today and I’ll always be grateful. It wasn't planned; again, it just happened. Many people at Uni knew about us. Strangely though the rumours that I feared would surface didn't reach my hometown. People didn't know – or if they did, they decided not to tell my parents. 

I soon learnt that I had nothing to worry about with my friends. Most of them were cool with it. There are some, whom I don't see, or only rarely, who still don't know; maybe someday. Despite the whirlwind of emotions I was going through at the time, I felt strong and soon came up with the one line that carried me through all those years: if they don't like the real me, they can F* off. Not polite, but it worked!

"I have lost friends over the years, but never because of my sexuality. 
They either had known for ages, or they simply didn't care. 
Coming Out didn't change a thing." 


Telling my family would be the next challenge. I chose to tell my cousin first. She lives in London, she is cool, and I knew she had gay friends whom I had met before. She was surprised (Yes! I was actually not that camp!) and she supported me when I told my sister, then my brother. The next step was my parents. 

I was now living in London, I was petrified and I couldn't sleep. I felt that huge elephant in the room every time I was on the phone to my parents. I guess the good thing was that I had a deadline; my boyfriend and I were moving in together. 

How I wish there had been a site like rucomingout.com at the time I was struggling to come out. I searched the internet, looking for other people's stories but it seemed I could only find truly sad accounts by people who had been cast away by their family, or amazing stories of love and acceptance, where parents had known for months if not years. This 50/50 split was killing me. I loved my parents, and I knew they loved me but I couldn't help but imagine the worst.


"I finally gathered the courage to tell them on a cold December night, a few days after Christmas. 
I sat them down and asked them whether they loved me, then whether they would still love me if 
I were different. And then I told them." 


I didn’t doubt my parents’ love for me, not once, but I hadn't expected the questions of my dad and the tears of my mother. I could see them, before my very eyes, trying to decipher all the things it had taken me years to come to terms with. So yes, they were a bit blunt, asked all the wrong questions, but I could see they were in shock, and more importantly that they were worried for me. Despite all this, they took me in their arms and told me it would be alright. 

"It felt amazing. 
I felt light, happy and truly myself for the first time." 

My siblings and I barely spoke about our private lives with our parents, so I knew it wouldn't be all plain sailing. The conversations over the next few days felt somewhat forced, a bit unnatural. The elephant in the room was still there, except this time my parents could see it too and it had a name. But I could see them try. My parents were not homophobic, but I guess it is always a bit difficult when your son tells you he is gay. They had to rethink the future they had imagined for me. 

I left to go back to London a few days later. They hugged me so hard before I went through the door that I almost choked. 
We had a few more awkward conversations on the phone, punctuated by uncomfortable silences, but little by little, life went back to normal and they eventually came over to stay with me and my boyfriend. 

I am so happy with my life right now. I have the support of my family; I have great friends and a great job. I am single at the moment, and have been for some time but my mum is desperate for me to find someone. Her interest in my love life is the sweetest thing ever. 

I guess what I mean to say is that it is also your responsibility to help your parents understand, or at the very least to give them the time to come to terms with your sexuality. You can't ask them to do it in a minute, in an hour or in a day. It may have taken you years to come to terms with your sexuality. Most will accept it straightaway, some will take more time. That was the case for my parents – but never, ever did I doubt their love for me. 

Follow Nico on Twitter - @NicoLondon1985
Check out Nico's blog - whatnicothinks.tumblr.com
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