Megan | 18 | Oregan, US (originally from Richmond, VA)
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I should probably start by saying that this is a very happy story (well, two stories, I suppose, with one of them being quite funny). I should probably list a few things about my life growing up as I think these moments will hopefully give y'all hope.
1. I grew up never hearing the word ‘gay’ 2. I grew up never knowing about homophobia 3. My parents taught me to avoid hurting others and punished me when I did so, quite promptly (and effectively I like to think). They never beat me! However, I learned my lessons well form them. 4. I grew up in Richmond, Virginia. And yes, #1 and #2 still apply! 5. My first encounter with the LGBTQ community was in middle school. Before that I had no concept of this community. When I found out about the existence of lesbians and gay men, I don’t think I had a huge fascination with lesbians (because I somewhat understood them) and I had absolutely no problems with the idea of two men being romantically and sexually involved. |
(SIDE-NOTE: A gay guy-friend asked me why there are girls (fag hags) who by definition enjoy the company of gay men very specifically and therefore have a bias for gay men over gay women or straight people. I had thought about this for a long time, even before he had asked me my views. It doesn't seem exactly right does it? For some women to squeal over gay men like they're so completely different and so much cuter, lovable and loving than straight guys and then turn around and demand equality for them.
I thought of two reasons that could explain the ‘fag hag’. Gay men actually care about what a woman says instead of thinking of ways he can get into bed with her. Another reason is that personal displays of affection are regularly seen between two women as friends and straight couples which excludes gay guys. Maybe having a close female friend gives gay men the opportunity to be able to hug, kiss and cheek kiss in public without any fear of negative reaction from the public.
6. I was raised by an agnostic father and a Wiccan mother. The only relevance of this is that it meant I had no biblical study as a child, thus no exposure to homophobia. I've always been atheist, even before the Christians started bullying me in daycare for not believing in God – which didn’t help.
7. I didn't realize that bisexuality was ‘unusual’ until middle school, when I found out there was a name for it, and that not all girls liked just boys or just girls. I also started crushing on girls, since my hormones were kicking in. I had a bi gal-friend (crush on her!) whose mother was passively homophobic. Her her older brother and sister are gay and when she brought her girlfriend home in 7th grade her mom said, "Not you, too." I think that was my first mental run-in with parental homophobia. That was before I encountered one guy who was in many of my advanced classes (Oh, how his intelligence was wasted back then. I hope he got better). He called everything ‘gay’ and ‘homosexual’ and constantly said, ‘no homo’. I caught the undercurrent of hate, but never understood it. I realized that I was bi in the 7th grade.
I thought of two reasons that could explain the ‘fag hag’. Gay men actually care about what a woman says instead of thinking of ways he can get into bed with her. Another reason is that personal displays of affection are regularly seen between two women as friends and straight couples which excludes gay guys. Maybe having a close female friend gives gay men the opportunity to be able to hug, kiss and cheek kiss in public without any fear of negative reaction from the public.
6. I was raised by an agnostic father and a Wiccan mother. The only relevance of this is that it meant I had no biblical study as a child, thus no exposure to homophobia. I've always been atheist, even before the Christians started bullying me in daycare for not believing in God – which didn’t help.
7. I didn't realize that bisexuality was ‘unusual’ until middle school, when I found out there was a name for it, and that not all girls liked just boys or just girls. I also started crushing on girls, since my hormones were kicking in. I had a bi gal-friend (crush on her!) whose mother was passively homophobic. Her her older brother and sister are gay and when she brought her girlfriend home in 7th grade her mom said, "Not you, too." I think that was my first mental run-in with parental homophobia. That was before I encountered one guy who was in many of my advanced classes (Oh, how his intelligence was wasted back then. I hope he got better). He called everything ‘gay’ and ‘homosexual’ and constantly said, ‘no homo’. I caught the undercurrent of hate, but never understood it. I realized that I was bi in the 7th grade.
"This should tell you about how my parents raised me.
I was raised to ALWAYS have an open mind, to argue intelligently, and not to hurt others or encourage others to do such."
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Now for the actual coming out stories!
Dad He and I were driving to the movies, or by the nearest movie theater, and we were in the car. I don't remember where we were going, or how the subject was broached. Maybe I was talking about my crushes, and mentioned that I had girl crushes. "Girls?" "Oh, yeah. I'm bisexual." "Really?! Oh, sweetie, thank you so much for trusting me with that. I still love you just the same." "Uh huh." Short and sweet! What I find funny and heart-warming to this day is that I didn't know why he felt the need to say that because I knew he'd love me no matter what. But it made me realise that telling him was something special to him, when I had just said it in passing. I thought his reaction was a bit dramatic and unnecessary but in hindsight I realize how much he must have felt he needed to say that to me. It makes me happy to know how much he cares. |
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Mom
She was driving me back from sports practice, and she was obviously tense. I left her alone to it, since that's how she deals with it. She eventually turned off the music, which meant that we needed to talk, and she needed my full attention. Subsequently, I gave it. (To clarify, the first person speaking is my mom.)
"I need to tell you something”, my mum said. “I might, possibly, bring someone over, and I don't want you to be freaked out or confused. I'm bi."
-Heavy Silence-
"So that's where I get it from!" I replied.
"Wait--What?!"
"Yeah. Me too!"
"Oh thank goodness!"
"Yeah. I have a crush on Vicki."
"Hm."
She was driving me back from sports practice, and she was obviously tense. I left her alone to it, since that's how she deals with it. She eventually turned off the music, which meant that we needed to talk, and she needed my full attention. Subsequently, I gave it. (To clarify, the first person speaking is my mom.)
"I need to tell you something”, my mum said. “I might, possibly, bring someone over, and I don't want you to be freaked out or confused. I'm bi."
-Heavy Silence-
"So that's where I get it from!" I replied.
"Wait--What?!"
"Yeah. Me too!"
"Oh thank goodness!"
"Yeah. I have a crush on Vicki."
"Hm."
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What was especially funny, besides the mutual surprise and relief, was that she had been convinced that I was straight.
I felt that it might be good, for the reason of my mother being bisexual as well, that I mention how I had NO prior knowledge of the LGBTQ community prior to middle school. I was not raised to be bisexual. I was not raised to even be accepting of different sexualities. I was raised not really knowing that other sexualities existed. So my mum’s bisexuality had absolutely no bearing on mine. I should also mention that I've never actually been in the closet. I've never been ashamed, nor have I been exactly proud. I just am bisexual. Now that I look back, there were times when I was 7 or 8, around that age, when I had a moment of showing that like kissing a gal-friend like I would her brother (only to be rebuffed, because she didn't appreciate it. I promptly started apologizing profusely). I also used to think that Jessica Rabbit was hot in front of my mom and my dad. How they didn't figure it out then, I'm not sure). I also liked, actually preferred, Ariel and Jasmine because they were slightly more naked. But while I was never in the closet (I didn't flaunt it, but I didn't hide it.), I still feel like my 'coming out' to my parents should be shared with the world, to show that there are happy endings and parents can be as amazing as mine are. |
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