Mathew Hulbert | 32 | Lib Dem Borough and Parish Councillor in Leicestershire, England
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I came out on February 28th 2011, my birthday. The day I turned 31. Well, I say my birthday; it was certainly my birthday that year...but not really my birthday as I was born on Leap Year Day, 29th February 1980. I am now both 32 and 8...it probably explains a lot!
I once had to give an assembly about my rather special birthday at my High School. It wasn’t the only reason I was a little bit different. I didn’t really realise what being Gay was as a young boy, but I know I never liked girls...well, not in that sense you understand. The first moment I definitely saw a guy and thought, ‘you’re nice’ was when I was on holiday in Bahrain with my Mum visiting my Sister and her husband back in 1995, when I was fifteen. One night on holiday, we went to visit some other ex-pat friends of my sisters. It was, in truth, a fairly boring occasion...apart from one thing - the boy (well, man, he must have been at least twenty) who was there; the son of the couple who were my sister’s friends. He was gorgeous - blond hair, tanned and very handsome. I knew I liked him ‘like that,’ and I guess that was the first time I properly realised I was gay. |
"That was in 1995 and I didn’t come out until 2011 - 16 years later.
Why? Well, I guess like many others, it was the fear of the unknown."
I went to Nottingham Trent University and studied Broadcast Journalism. I had a blast there. As well as my studies, I wrote for the student newspaper, presented on the student radio and was heavily involved with the Christian Union. So, in effect, I busied myself with stuff and put thoughts of any potential coming out completely out of my mind. Some people have asked me why I didn’t come out during my time at university; it’d seem, perhaps, a natural place to do so.
After university, I worked in radio for five years. It was my dream job; reading news bulletins and reporting until, in 2009 when I was made redundant.
It was a terrible time for me, especially as my dear Grandmother died the day after I was told I was being made redundant. People go through far worse than redundancy, I know that, but for me this was a personal low point, compounded by the death of my lovely Gran. In the following couple of years I, in effect, transformed myself. From journalist to community project worker and then, in 2011, Borough and Parish Councillor.
In early 2010 I joined the Liberal Democrats and, not long after, became a candidate.
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This was a very proud moment for me and, I knew, was the start of a lot of hard work, as I knocked on countless doors and posted countless leaflets in the hope of convincing people to vote for me, in my village, which thankfully, in May last year they did.
I was and remain so thankful and proud to be in a position to be able to serve my local community in public office. "Months before that though, in early 2011,
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With Vince Cable MP - Business Secretary
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Daniel said that he didn’t have all the answers, but would be there for me.
Before going any further there’s another element to this which is painful for me to write about, but without which this story wouldn’t be completed. Back in 1991, when I was eleven shortly before I started at High School, my Dad left my Mum. They subsequently got divorced. Though I have two siblings (a brother and a sister) they are both more than ten years older than me and had both left home by this point.
So, in a roundabout way I kind of felt like an only child having to deal with this by myself. I didn’t want to show my Mum I was hurting inside. I was (I thought) ‘the man of the house’ now and so I didn’t want to make things worse by showing how upset I was. But of course I was upset. Very. It felt like the stability I’d known up until that point was at an end. Thankfully I didn’t have to move house as my Dad signed the house over to my Mum and there wasn’t a tussle over where I’d live. I didn’t need to say that I was going to stop with my Mum as it was clear that was the case. I can’t go into all the ins and outs, as it wouldn’t be fair on the other people involved, but my Dad had met someone else and wanted to be with them.
The next ten plus years were difficult with me seeing him fairly sporadically. Thankfully that’s all behind me now and me and my Dad have a great relationship. He’s one of the most important people in my life and I love him dearly. I think having to grow up quickly, because of my parents separation and divorce, made me suppress some of my own feelings and just get on with ’getting on’.
This brings me back to February 28th, 2011. My birthday and the day I finally ‘came out’ to the world. Well, at least to those who read my blog and my Facebook page.
The first family member I came out to was my brother Mark who said he’d known for years and had been waiting for me to say something!
Then, my Dad. He was driving me home from a meeting when I said I had something to tell him and that I didn’t want a debate, I was just telling him.
Before going any further there’s another element to this which is painful for me to write about, but without which this story wouldn’t be completed. Back in 1991, when I was eleven shortly before I started at High School, my Dad left my Mum. They subsequently got divorced. Though I have two siblings (a brother and a sister) they are both more than ten years older than me and had both left home by this point.
So, in a roundabout way I kind of felt like an only child having to deal with this by myself. I didn’t want to show my Mum I was hurting inside. I was (I thought) ‘the man of the house’ now and so I didn’t want to make things worse by showing how upset I was. But of course I was upset. Very. It felt like the stability I’d known up until that point was at an end. Thankfully I didn’t have to move house as my Dad signed the house over to my Mum and there wasn’t a tussle over where I’d live. I didn’t need to say that I was going to stop with my Mum as it was clear that was the case. I can’t go into all the ins and outs, as it wouldn’t be fair on the other people involved, but my Dad had met someone else and wanted to be with them.
The next ten plus years were difficult with me seeing him fairly sporadically. Thankfully that’s all behind me now and me and my Dad have a great relationship. He’s one of the most important people in my life and I love him dearly. I think having to grow up quickly, because of my parents separation and divorce, made me suppress some of my own feelings and just get on with ’getting on’.
This brings me back to February 28th, 2011. My birthday and the day I finally ‘came out’ to the world. Well, at least to those who read my blog and my Facebook page.
The first family member I came out to was my brother Mark who said he’d known for years and had been waiting for me to say something!
Then, my Dad. He was driving me home from a meeting when I said I had something to tell him and that I didn’t want a debate, I was just telling him.
‘I’m coming out,’ I said.
‘Coming out where?’ He said.
‘Don’t be dense, Dad,’ I said. ‘I’m coming out.’
A short pause then ensued. ‘Well that’s ok,’ he responded before carrying on with what he’d been talking about. Huge relief. I told my sister via e-mail. She lives in the Middle East and it just felt right to write to her rather than tell her over the phone and she was totally cool about it too.
The only person I chickened out from telling was my Mum which is daft, given she’s the most brilliant Mum you could want and that she’d always been there for me. Always. I think maybe that was the reason why I couldn’t tell her in person. What if she was disappointed? What if she didn’t love me anymore? So, I got my sister to tell her. Cowardly? Maybe. When I spoke to my Mum later that day she was annoyed but only about me not having told her myself.
So, all in all, my family were cool about it as were my close friends. I’d like to thank Daniel, Jenni, James and Juliet for being such totally awesome friends and for believing in me. It means the world to me. I’m glad to say that my coming out went just about as well as a coming out could.
I know some wondered if it’d have any kind of negative impact on the impending election I was facing in May of last year, but it didn’t. For most people it’s not an issue. Who cares who I happen to fancy or be attracted to? Have I faced any hostility? I had a few negative tweets on Twitter and heard rumours of a political opponent of mine trying to use it against me, but that’s about it.
I recognise that for many other people, especially young people, coming out and its aftermath can be a traumatic experience and can lead to them being kicked out of their home, physically and mentally abused and so on. To read and hear about the negative experiences that other people have gone through is heartbreaking and just goes to show that the fight for Gay rights goes on. The fight to wipe the scourge of homophobia from our society goes on. I hope I can play a small part in that ongoing fight. As an elected politician, as a public figure, I want to be able to use the platform I’m privileged to have to, whenever possible, stand up for Gay Rights. I recently became a ‘Close Friend’ of Stonewall for that very reason.
So, that’s me. I’m very proud of who I am and the man I have become.
Follow Mathew on Twitter - @HulbertMathew
The only person I chickened out from telling was my Mum which is daft, given she’s the most brilliant Mum you could want and that she’d always been there for me. Always. I think maybe that was the reason why I couldn’t tell her in person. What if she was disappointed? What if she didn’t love me anymore? So, I got my sister to tell her. Cowardly? Maybe. When I spoke to my Mum later that day she was annoyed but only about me not having told her myself.
So, all in all, my family were cool about it as were my close friends. I’d like to thank Daniel, Jenni, James and Juliet for being such totally awesome friends and for believing in me. It means the world to me. I’m glad to say that my coming out went just about as well as a coming out could.
I know some wondered if it’d have any kind of negative impact on the impending election I was facing in May of last year, but it didn’t. For most people it’s not an issue. Who cares who I happen to fancy or be attracted to? Have I faced any hostility? I had a few negative tweets on Twitter and heard rumours of a political opponent of mine trying to use it against me, but that’s about it.
I recognise that for many other people, especially young people, coming out and its aftermath can be a traumatic experience and can lead to them being kicked out of their home, physically and mentally abused and so on. To read and hear about the negative experiences that other people have gone through is heartbreaking and just goes to show that the fight for Gay rights goes on. The fight to wipe the scourge of homophobia from our society goes on. I hope I can play a small part in that ongoing fight. As an elected politician, as a public figure, I want to be able to use the platform I’m privileged to have to, whenever possible, stand up for Gay Rights. I recently became a ‘Close Friend’ of Stonewall for that very reason.
So, that’s me. I’m very proud of who I am and the man I have become.
Follow Mathew on Twitter - @HulbertMathew
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