Mark | 33 | London, England | Artist
My years at school started well. Although I was podgy and spotty with a ridiculous surname, I was a happy kid with the ability to laugh at myself and make others laugh too. Then one day, at the age of about 12, I was approached by a group kids in the playground and asked, "Are you heterosexual or homosexual?” Without knowing what the words even meant I replied said that I was homosexual and was greeted with wails of laughter before they went on to ask another unsuspecting kid.
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From that day on my life started to change for the worst. I became withdrawn, had fewer friends, I wouldn't go out and I started losing lots of weight. For five years I tried to come to terms with my sexuality but it was very hard. "Being one of three sons (to a homophobic bricklayer father
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I became very depressed, did badly in my GCSEs and considered suicide on many occasions. I grew to resent my family but my saving grace came in the form of Art College.
Although I did badly in my exams my drawing skills earned me a place in what would become my Heaven. College was everything school wasn't; like minded creative people and to my amazement, a fellow gay student! My confidence grew and grew until I eventually built up the courage to tell my best friend about my sexuality. I'll never forget that day; I cried and cried. A huge weight was lifted from my shoulders and over the next year I told more and more people. My social life improved dramatically and I was happy again, however, after a while I began to slip into another depression. I knew that with everyone knowing about me the news would soon reach my family. I had to tell them. With my bags already packed I was at breaking point and the time had come.
Although I did badly in my exams my drawing skills earned me a place in what would become my Heaven. College was everything school wasn't; like minded creative people and to my amazement, a fellow gay student! My confidence grew and grew until I eventually built up the courage to tell my best friend about my sexuality. I'll never forget that day; I cried and cried. A huge weight was lifted from my shoulders and over the next year I told more and more people. My social life improved dramatically and I was happy again, however, after a while I began to slip into another depression. I knew that with everyone knowing about me the news would soon reach my family. I had to tell them. With my bags already packed I was at breaking point and the time had come.
"When I think about how difficult my life was back then and
how bleak my future seemed to me, I would love to be able to
tell my younger self that things will turn out fine.
Not just fine, but brilliant!"
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