Mark | 35 | Brisbane, Queensland, Australia | Web Designer

I was always aware that I was gay, I think by grade one I was already knowledgeable of what that word meant and that this tiny crush I had formed on one of my classmates wasn’t something I could talk about to anyone because it would be considered dirty or wrong.

Fast forward to grade 12 (last year of high-school) and at a huge party with lots and lots of alcohol involved I whispered to my best friend at the time that I was gay. The next Monday I found out that I hadn’t told my best friend anything, I told a random girl with the same haircut & that whisper was a yell in front of most of the people from my school in a barn. I also made mention about the sports captains arse being “fine” but that’s not important for the story.
I felt low, I felt lost, I was alone with people making comments about me all day, my friend group didn’t really speak to me, they knew what had happened but no one was really there for me. I went home I think I had a random “teenager VS mother” fight over some pointless thing.

"I sat for a long time that afternoon
on my mother's bed in my school uniform with a loaded 202 rifle in my mouth and my finger on the trigger."


I can’t remember what brought me back from the darkness I was in, but I came back. The next few days were painful but then 2 weeks later I was old news as two guys from the sports team tried to root the school slut an one of the guys couldn’t get it up, that was all it took to be bumped off the gossip tree and allowed to continue on to live my life.
At the very end of that year, my best friend and with minimal booze involved this time asked me at a party if I was gay, I said yes I was. It felt good telling her the way it should have been the first time when I thought I did it, with her being happy, supportive and loving. Then I moved away from that town in which I grew up in, I lived as a gay man, dated, loved, screwed and just learnt to love myself as being gay, it was no longer dirty or wrong. It took 9 years after openly telling my friend before I came out to my family, my sister was fine with it, my brother couldn’t care less but my mother silently would confide to my sister her hurt over it.
It’s been another 9 years since then, I’m 35 now, My mother loves me completely, being gay isn’t an issue for her anymore, that and she’s got a beautiful grand daughter from my sister for her to fret over.

My relationship with my sister has grown from strength to strength and my brother for all his tough and roughness loves me as I am.

I now share my life with my beautiful boyfriend of 8 years, my loving close circle of friends and my amazing family.

"It took me a while, but I’m very glad I held in there, took my time and stayed true to myself."
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