Luke | 26 | London | Communications Manager
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I'm proud to say that at 26 years old I am an out, happy, gay man. But I haven't always been - in fact, six months ago I was still keeping this part of my life a secret from my friends, family and colleagues. I was dating men in secret and was becoming a master of lying about where I had been or who I had been with. I look back now and don't really understand how I kept up the facade for so long without driving myself crazy! "My life had become a spiderweb of lies and I couldn't keep up. It had to change." After a lot of soul searching and reading lots of brave stories on RUComingout, I took the plunge using a combination of face-to-face chats with friends, a few text messages and a hand-written notebook sent to my parent's house with everything that had been going through my head these last few years.
A few things encouraged me to do it in 2014 - I was approaching 26 - the long-overdue milestone I had set myself for doing it and I had also realised just how short and precious life is after reading the book '60 Postcards'. |
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I would constantly read features on RUComing out and think 'I can do this'! I'd scroll up and down and read how people were delighted with everyone's response and knew my friends and family would be the same. I was so happy for people on the site but desperately wanted to be one of them. I wouldn't even follow the Twitter page incase any of my friends saw. Ridiculous!
I was determined to tell my parents first but a few conversations and situations meant that I told a few friends before.
KateI travelled to Thailand to meet a good friend who had been travelling. I had bought Kate a ring as a 'thank you for still loving me' gesture for when the deed was done - we laugh about this now!
On the beach in Koh Tao, I asked if I could talk through something with her, took her hand and we walked down the white sanded beach. We sat down and I was scared and worried as I said the words that I had never said before. It was weird, but amazing. There was no going back but I loved that. This was the start of things to come. Kate was brilliant, she listened to my concerns about it all and laughed at my stories that filled in a lot of gaps from over the years. "Our friendship was instantly stronger and she became the strong character I needed to encourage me to tell...everyone else." |
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RachaelMonths later, and in a slightly less glamorous setting than Koh Tao - I sat in a bar in Kings Cross. Rachael has become a great friend in a relatively short space of time and is full of good advice (and ridiculous stories about situations that she finds herself in - constantly). After a few bottles of red I suggested we had a 'deep and meaningful'. She knew straight away. Damn I didn't realise how obvious it was! It was so nice to talk it through with someone who was full of words of wisdom.
From Rachael I got instant understanding and instant acceptance - I liked that. Rachael had lost her mother unexpectedly and started writing a blog to help her deal with her loss. The blog became very popular and is now a book - check out 60 Postcards! In the book, she wrote about how easy it was to write down her feelings when pen touched paper. Inspired by this and the stories on RUComing out, I bought a moleskin notebook and began my letter/ note/ blog to my lovely parents. |
JohnnyJohnny is one of my best friends and from a young age and we have always talked about everything, apart from my love life because he knew I wasn't comfortable talking about it. I love him for that. I sat at work and heard the groans of women around the office as the news of Tom Daley coming out spread. "It's always the hot ones" and "what a waste" echoed around the offices. I read the stories, watched his video and was proud that a young man in the spotlight was taking control of his feelings.
That was the push for me to tell John that day. I typed out possibly the world's longest text message, edited it for my entire commute home and then sent it! Within approximately 15 seconds my phone was ringing and there, John reminded me why he was my best friend. "I was best man at his wedding last year and one day he will be at mine." |
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Kerry and JamieThe most beautiful, caring couple who have become very close friends since we started working together in 2006. I sent them both a message which they replied to with heart-warming words about how excited they were for me.
Despite having a two-year old son, Louie, they reorganised their weekend to immediately drive to London to see me, hug me, talk it through and drag me (ha) to Soho for a night out. Everyone needs friends like Kerry and Jamie! |
Mum and Dad3rd January 2014 - we said goodbye after a lovely Christmas together. I was sat on the train, starting yet another year without sorting this out. I knew that for whatever reason, I couldn't do it face to face, and that a letter would be the best option. Some people may think that it's the easy option but it's still daunting and emotional to sit and write it all down. I was reliving the past but then got excited about the future as I wrote, "everything in my life is great - friends, family, work and I just want someone to share it all with".
I literally couldn't stop writing. Everything that I'd bottled up, tried to ignore or forget came out in bright blue ink. I tore out pages and started again a few times though. It had to be right and make up for the fact that I wasn't there in person. I sat and laughed at some bits, and cried at others. Soon, I was done, and ready to send it. What's the worst that could happen? |
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"I stood at the post box in Canary Wharf near my work and realised that as soon as I dropped the envelope into the box, my life would change, but for the better."
I sent it on a Friday, first-class, so that Mum and Dad could read it, perhaps read it again and then phone me telling me that I was still their favourite child and they loved me (putting words in their mouths there)! I got up at 08:00 which is unheard of for me on a Saturday and I waited, and waited. A few phone calls came through from friends that I cut short to keep my line free - it was excruciating. Eventually my Dad called at 14:00 after returning home from visiting my Nan with Mum. They had got home to find my letter on the doorstep. Dad was giggling, crying, trying to talk, it's all a blur but I remember him and Mum saying all the right things. They were proud, happy, excited. They DID love me unconditionally! They have always just wanted me to be happy. About 15 minutes on the phone with my parents made me realise that A) I have the best parents in the world and B) I should have done this years ago.
My brother Dan and sister Carly have also been amazing with my 'news'. They both 'knew' years ago, probably before I did, so had already accepted me for me. Your siblings know you inside and out - they will always be your oldest friends no matter what happens or where they live in the world.
If you're still reading this, please read some more stories on this site. Why not share the page as it could be just the thing that helps one of your friends or followers who is struggling with their sexuality like It helped me.
Your sexuality doesn't define you. At a young age you form your morals and personality - who you love is just one little, but important part of who you are.
Follow Luke on Twitter @LukeMurdoch
NOTE: After RUComingOut received Luke's story we asked some of his friends to tell us how his coming out was for them. We are so thankful that they were happy to share their experience with us. Below is a selection of what they said.
Johnny |
Rachael |
Kerry and Jamie |
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"When Luke sent me the message telling me he was coming out, I wasn't blown away, I wasn't shocked, I was just happy. The fact that my best friend had the courage and found it within himself to tell me something that for however long he had to hide or keep bottled up, just meant so much to me. I could not be happier for him.
Nothing had changed, I just now have a best friend who's never been happier. Life's too short to live it any other way than the way you want to live it." |
"Luke is one of my closest friends and I was so glad he chose to open up to me about his sexuality and his worries on coming out. When we talked about it all, it was as if he was becoming completely himself. I felt honoured when Luke explained that my project (in memory of my mum) had inspired him to use writing to tell his parents. From my experience of losing someone, cliches become more powerful. Life is short and we should make the most of our life and the only way we can do that well, is if we are completely happy in ourselves and of who we are."
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Luke is a friend we have total faith and belief in. He has helped us and supported us through very difficult times and has been the rock we have needed on so many occasions.
When Luke told us his exciting news we were thrilled he finally had the strength and courage to be true to himself and did the only thing good friends should do - be there. |
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