Jack | 22 | Essex, England | Radio Presenter
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I’m not entirely sure how to go about this, but not many people know my story, so I decided to share a part of it. From a young age I've always been told that being bisexual or gay was wrong, that's why I always thought and believed it. I thought it was bad and I got the impression that it was something that you shouldn't be. The terms bisexual and gay were frowned upon. It would come as no surprise then that over the last couple of months, I began to believe there was something very wrong with me and that being the way I was, was wrong and something to be ashamed of. All my life my family have been the biggest part of my life, and as a child I relied heavily on them. "I guess I always knew that something was a little bit different about me. It was not that long ago when I started to be attracted to men, even though I still find women attractive." |
Countless questions were soaring through my mind causing headaches on a daily basis. Am I gay? Am I bi? Is this just a phase? If I come out as bi, will people think the same about me? Am I ready for this?
It can be hard because of all the stress and heart ache and from not sleeping, plus feeling emotional everyday - you could end up cracking.
Everyday I got frightened and scared because of how people would treat me, as I didn't want it to bother them or for them to treat me different. I became increasingly worried (to the point of depression) that if I told my family and close friends, they would turn their backs on me, or at least it would change their view of me.
"I have struggled to accept and deal with my sexuality. I tried the trick of burying my sexuality and thinking that if I did it long enough it would eventually go away and stop being a problem. Unsurprisingly, this didn't work."
University was the place where I needed to be my true self, and once I was pushed, there was no going back. These people had never met me before and I didn't want to base my new friendships on a lie. After telling one of my best mates Andy, I began telling certain people one by one. In a way, it began to get a lot easier but deep down I was crying inside.
"The biggest issue was telling my family, especially my Mum, as she is the most important person in my life. Things were going through my head, as I knew that once I told her, things would never be the same as they were before. I felt that it wasn't fair on them." My Mum has always been caring and supportive, and although money was always tight, she strived to make sure my sister and I never did without.
Unfortunately, my family and other people I am close to, haven't accepted this well as it's very new to them and they find it hard to understand. I felt so ashamed when I eventually told my family, I could tell how worried and upset it was making them. I was so very scared that it would change their view of me. From that point, other people began to find out and most have showed me nothing but respect, love and support. |
My advice to anybody, whether you’re gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender, don’t let your sexuality get you down. Society has changed, and the support available is extraordinary. Don't do anything stupid. I came close to giving up, but I'm so glad I never.
Right now, I am very happy with my lovely boyfriend, Ian, and I thank him for everything, even picking me back up when I was at my lowest. What's next for me? Plan my career and find a great job!
Follow Jack on Twitter @TheJackSullivan
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