Edward | 19 | New York, USA | Student
Thanks for reading my coming out story! I hope my words are inspirational, give you strength and a feeling of a happy heart in the end!
My name is Edward Leary and I LOVE Boys! For a long time I always knew, even when I was little, that my Love was different. I believe in Love and its many forms. I always saw people being happy and I wanted the same happiness and I knew that I could only find that Love with the right person, the right guy. Like some other people, I was mocked for being different to the other boys at a very young age (2nd grade to be specific) by peers and even by my own family. I was girly, bubbly, liked being cute and dressing up. I didn’t like and playing around as roughly as the other boys did. My Mom raised me that way and I am glad she did because she raised me right and I couldn’t be any happier.
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As I grew older people would question why I wouldn’t date or be surprised if I, lying of course, said I was straight. They would ask me questions such as, “Are you sure you’re not gay?”, “You’re not gay? Well, from the way you dress you don’t fool anyone.” And the most commonly asked one was, “So do you really like girls?” I would reply yes but some would ask again, “Are you sure you like girls?” I would tire of it and just say that I’d already answered them. Soon after my friends would jump in stating I wasn’t gay and tell them to leave me alone or not ask me dumb questions. To this day I feel bad because in my mind I thought, “Wow, you must really care about m because you are willing to lie for me right to someone’s face.” Of course they never knew I was gay and this would run through my mind constantly. Today I’m happy that I can boast about liking guys because I feel like I don’t have to be sorry anymore, no one has to lie for me. To me it is a personal thing and there is certainly nothing wrong with it and no need for anyone to know what happens in my personal love life. Discretion is important. You can do whatever you wish in your life but there is no need to make being gay a show. Coming out is not a joke or something to take lightly. "Coming out is a critical, valuable and important moment in |
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So what made me come out and how did I do it? Simple, I finally felt a feeling of Love! With bravery in my heart and courage on my mind I told my first two-year-long crush and friend how I felt. Funny thing is he was STRAIGHT!!! I felt so silly because I had my doubts along with other people about his sexuality. I at least assumed he was bisexual but you never know until you ask!
"I really thought he would hate me after I told him that I liked him or that he would never want to speak to me again."
I got all shook up and sweaty! However, he was so kind and told me, “Ed, why would I hate you? In fact I want to be there for you even more!” He was the first boy I ever told who I really liked and he accepted me for who I was. We don’t talk as much because of college but he visits still and asks me, “Any hot guys at your school like me?”
I’m very prude and not very flirty so I just laugh but love that we can joke about it in a friendly way. The only thing was now he was the only one who knew for a while. However the summer before my 2nd year in college I found strength in music too. I found this song called “Party (XXO)” by a Korean K-pop group called “Glam”. Let me tell you to this day I proclaim this song changed my life! This song is about LGBT beliefs and with the simple ideas - “No matter who you are as long as you have a heart to Love, I will love you!” and that “Anyone can be your Romeo or Juliet, Boy or Girl I don’t care!”
These are inspirationally strong words that I live by to this day! It empowered me so much that I decided I never want to stop myself and limit my Love! I want to be happy. So after hearing that song that same night I went on my social media sites and changed my interests and profile bio to – Interested in Men and Women, #Bi. Even though now I know I prefer men, I don’t truly know what will happen in my future. I still want kids and whether I adopt or create them with my wife I will be happy because I will be in a moment of Love!
"I live in the present and for now I feel I want to date men; the rest
is a gift and a surprise but I know I will be happy to be alive and in love."
Summer passed and I started my 2nd year of college where I got to be with someone I became friends with someone who became one of the most important roles in my life. People are right when they say you meet real open-minded people in college because that is when I meet Kenya W. in New York! She was the first person in College I told and also the first girl to know of my situation. After a year of us meeting I still hadn't told her I was gay but one day she saw my posts about a crush I had and asked me who it was.
I really liked this new boy I had met (who was bisexual this time, yes!!!) so I figured that to help make my Love become a reality I would pursue him and tell her as well. So one night I took her to the lounge outside of my room and roommate’s ear shot and said, “You are gunna think differently about me, some things may change from now on but this is my crush.” I held up a picture of this boy. She screamed and ran around the room in shock saying, “Wow!!!!! You threw me a few curve balls one night” and like always she had me laughing so hard and her reaction was one of my favorites!
Kenya understood me and saw the glow in my eyes when I spoke of this charming man. She knew from there on what I said was true, she knew I really did mean all the posts and everything. In the end she had told me she knew from my obvious posts on other Social Media websites. What killed me more is when she told me my entire group of friends at College knew too. Yes, I knew people could see my bio and interest change on these sites but I honestly thought it wasn’t like my friends were thinking, “Hey guys, let’s all go see if Ed is still interested in girls on his Facebook page just to be sure!”
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One of them just saw it and then told the rest. In the end this worked out very well! Even though it was an odd way to come out to them because they already knew, I still had to tell them in the end. To me I had felt I was keeping a huge secret and scared of what they would think or say it but it turned out they knew all along and acted just the same. My view about coming out is that I don’t care whether or not people accept my sexuality, but it is how people treat me in the end - and they treated me the same as they always had. These people were happy for me so I thought why shouldn’t I be? I am glad I spoke with them now and they know I am gay. With this new found strength I even went and told some of my best friends back at home! They were so proud and happy for me too! Everyone around me was just so proud and happy that I felt on top of the world! One of my best friends Rosaidalia told me, “Darling, this is the 21st century you should do whatever you want and never worry. People are more accepting then you think nowadays and some people already thought you were gay and still like you just the same, so just be Gay or Bi and nothing will change.” |
She was 110% right! I am grateful she gave me more courage to break free from any fears I had. She made sense and I feel that everyone needs to speak to one person about their situation because they will surprise you with a statement that will help enlighten your whole idea on being Gay.
Finally after all this I pursued the boy I was after and I was bold and straight forward. I sat him down one day and told him, “I like you and wanna know if you would want to date me?” Unfortunately I guess I was not his type because he simply said, “Oh, date you? I just think we should get to know each other first.” I was so sad but happy at the same time because he knew my feelings! I tried my best to talk with him when I could or get to know him more after classes. However, in the end for some reason he completely stopped talking to me a few days after. He avoided me, never answered my texts or messages and would be in a hurry if he saw me in person. I was so distraught and then I soon realized he was a player. He was flirting around with some girl right after that. What he said, being friendly and his advances, even calling me “Boo” was just him doing what he does to every other person. He only had interest in me when I was a mystery and wasn’t so obvious. Now that he knew my feelings I was just another person on the list of people who fell for his good looks and charms. Maybe he only wanted me for sex, who knows but I would never be someone’s sexual experiment. I will only do that with someone who loves me with all of their heart. In the end I didn’t cry, I didn’t feel sad for myself or anything silly like that. I ate all the chocolate I wanted, said a prayer for him (hoping he never meets someone like himself one day that will hurt him badly) and I thanked him for the things I learned from him. I will never forget him.
Finally after all this I pursued the boy I was after and I was bold and straight forward. I sat him down one day and told him, “I like you and wanna know if you would want to date me?” Unfortunately I guess I was not his type because he simply said, “Oh, date you? I just think we should get to know each other first.” I was so sad but happy at the same time because he knew my feelings! I tried my best to talk with him when I could or get to know him more after classes. However, in the end for some reason he completely stopped talking to me a few days after. He avoided me, never answered my texts or messages and would be in a hurry if he saw me in person. I was so distraught and then I soon realized he was a player. He was flirting around with some girl right after that. What he said, being friendly and his advances, even calling me “Boo” was just him doing what he does to every other person. He only had interest in me when I was a mystery and wasn’t so obvious. Now that he knew my feelings I was just another person on the list of people who fell for his good looks and charms. Maybe he only wanted me for sex, who knows but I would never be someone’s sexual experiment. I will only do that with someone who loves me with all of their heart. In the end I didn’t cry, I didn’t feel sad for myself or anything silly like that. I ate all the chocolate I wanted, said a prayer for him (hoping he never meets someone like himself one day that will hurt him badly) and I thanked him for the things I learned from him. I will never forget him.
"He taught me that I shouldn’t rush into love, fall for pretty faces and that it is better to be patient and wait.
Love can come to you unexpectedly. It won’t rush into your arms and you have to keep your eyes open for it!"
It was Christmas break and I had to go home and meet with my family again. My parents are divorced so I stay with my mom and her boyfriend. He was nice but I didn’t like the idea of him and how suddenly he came into my life with my mom. One day my mom was crying before I had to go to college. She was saying how she was just sad because I am growing up so fast and how I want to leave soon and she missed her baby boy (like most mothers do). She didn’t want to be alone again and because she knew I never liked her boyfriend she stopped dating and became friends with him instead. They even stopped speaking for some time. They only met up once in a while. I thought to myself, “Am I really that selfish? Who am I to stand in the way of someone else’s feelings and Love?” I went up to her, knowing that what I was about to do could change everything from there on and said “Mom, stop crying. I want you to see your boyfriend again and be happy. I won’t stop you from loving whoever you want. I know you wouldn’t do that to me. I hope that when I date someone for the first time you wouldn’t do that to me because if you tried to stop me, unlike you, I wouldn’t care and would live my life happy with or without your consent.
“So be happy with your boyfriend because I want to be happy with mine.”
And with that I showed her a picture of my crush. I stayed strong and almost made my coming out a compromise.
She could have her boyfriend as long as she’d let me have mine. She was shocked. She didn’t yell or laugh or do anything at all for that matter. She just looked at the picture and seemed confused and wondered why I showed her this photo of a boy. I said “Mom, I like boys. This is the boy I like. I am bisexual but really want to date boys.” I thought using the term bisexual would lighten the load on her and it did but her opinion of my lifestyle is a little typical but odd. “Oh, that is okay Honey”, she said. “Why would I love you any less? I always said I would love my baby boy no matter what.” She seemed so quiet and odd that I had my suspicions. I mean most kids want to hear this from their family but she seemed odd. I said “Are you sure? I feel like you are hiding something more you wish to say.” She responded that yes she meant what she had said but that what I am going through is just a phase and that is what happens when you are in college, you just experiment. I reassured her I DO NOT experiment and I knew my feelings.
She could have her boyfriend as long as she’d let me have mine. She was shocked. She didn’t yell or laugh or do anything at all for that matter. She just looked at the picture and seemed confused and wondered why I showed her this photo of a boy. I said “Mom, I like boys. This is the boy I like. I am bisexual but really want to date boys.” I thought using the term bisexual would lighten the load on her and it did but her opinion of my lifestyle is a little typical but odd. “Oh, that is okay Honey”, she said. “Why would I love you any less? I always said I would love my baby boy no matter what.” She seemed so quiet and odd that I had my suspicions. I mean most kids want to hear this from their family but she seemed odd. I said “Are you sure? I feel like you are hiding something more you wish to say.” She responded that yes she meant what she had said but that what I am going through is just a phase and that is what happens when you are in college, you just experiment. I reassured her I DO NOT experiment and I knew my feelings.
"She insisted it was a phase, a part of ‘growing up’, and that
I shouldn’t bother telling my father or the rest of my family."
It hurt me to think she thought everything I was going through and who I am was a “phase”. She even suggested that my Dad might blame her for the way she raised me, that he was wasting his money on me going to college for me to be gay and that my brother would just mock me even more for being gay. However, she gave me incentive to think twice before telling the rest of the family. I decided that I wouldn’t tell them I was gay, I’d show them my Love when I had my first boyfriend! As long as they are comfortable, I want to love them freely and have them meet my family. Even if I am not 100% comfortable being gay in an environment I once grew up in being “straight” I wanted to make the transition into being gay safer and easier for myself in the end. I always know now that I can come home with my boyfriend and stay with my mom with no worries of anyone getting hurt. I was happy I didn’t decide to surprise them with a boyfriend or anything else drastic like I initially had planned, but instead waited for the right moment to appear.
So now here I am today! The New Year has passed and I have said to myself, “Edward, this is it. This is your year to be free and love yourself more than ever and to Love whoever you want.” With that in mind I didn’t make a silly resolution, I made a vow instead. I promised myself I would stand up for what I believed in and become a strong advocate for what I stand for – LGBT rights. This is why I wrote my story today on January 11, 2013. I wanted to make a difference, open the eyes and help the people of the world, the ones who I care for, all of you reading this and to let you know you should never give up on hope, your happiness and love! I am a dreamer and I use my power to make it a reality. I want you to please do the same! I pray and wish for you to be happy! It is a tough path to go down; even I am still walking down this different path trying not to find myself but to understand who I am as a person.
In time I will tell the rest of my family and friends I am gay, I have no doubt in that. I just want you to know, just like I did, you can come out slowly. I’m still single but I know Mr. or maybe even Mrs. Right is waiting out there for me! So I will still wait and I hope you all will try to do the same and be careful. Dating in general can be dangerous. Some people will want to just experiment with you, fool you, and play with your emotions; even use alcohol or drugs to pursue you, but remember that you are a strong person. Your heart and love shouldn’t belong to someone like that. It is your life and only you will know when it is best to love and should do it when it is right.
"Remember, it gets better and everything is OK in the end. If it is not okay then it is not the end yet.
Just have hope in Love because when it is your day to come out you will shine the Brightest! XXO"
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