Ben | 19 | Lincoln, England | Drama Student
It was Saturday the 12th of May 2012 and I was getting ready to go out for drinks with some of my classmates expecting this to be like any other normal night out. I'm in my second year of university and everybody that I know in Lincoln knows that I'm gay (and all my friends at home too). I've known that I am gay since I was 17 but I didn't accept it myself until I was 18 and about to leave college. I'd always wanted to tell my parents that I was gay; I just didn't know how to bring it up because I didn't want to make a big ‘gay’ song and dance out of the situation. I told my sister first by asking her, “Do you think Mum and Dad know I’m Gay?” My sister was shocked but assured me that Mum and Dad didn’t know so I had to tell them at some point.
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Back to the story. We were drinking and all having a laugh. I'd spoken to my mum earlier that night and she and my dad were at a family friend’s surprise party. It gets to about 11 O'clock and I get a phone call from my mum. I go into the garden to answer it and she says, "Are you alright?" I could tell from her voice that something really wasn't right. I asked her what was up. I was assuming she was going to tell me that somebody had died. Her next words were, "Have you got something to tell me?" I didn't have a clue what she was talking about and so I replied, “What?” By this time I was really confused then came the words that made my life feel as if it was standing still for that moment in time. “A guy just came up to me at the party and asked me if you’ve come out yet? Why would he say that?” "It felt like somebody had smashed something
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Immediately I took the defensive stance and questioned why he would say that because it was ridiculous. Then she asked again, “Why would he say that?” I took a split second to think. ‘DO IT!’ I thought. I started crying and said, “Yes it’s true.” Then there was silence. I heard her start to cry and it literally broke my heart because it was a time when we needed to be together and we were three hours apart. Her first words were, “Why didn’t you tell me?” I couldn’t say why because I didn’t know why. Then she asked, “Did you think I would love you any less?” I said no because I knew how upset she already was but the truthful answer was yes. She asked all the usual questions and she was more upset that I hadn’t told her first because of how close we were and that I’d had to deal with it all myself.
The next step was my mum telling my dad which she planned to do the next day. My dad was the one I was worried most about simply because he’s a proper man’s man from East London. I was at a rehearsal and received a text from my mum; I told him. Once again I got that smashing feeling. I replied; well…
I immediately went to the toilet waiting for what seemed like an hour, and then I got my reply… He’s fine with it x
The next step was my mum telling my dad which she planned to do the next day. My dad was the one I was worried most about simply because he’s a proper man’s man from East London. I was at a rehearsal and received a text from my mum; I told him. Once again I got that smashing feeling. I replied; well…
I immediately went to the toilet waiting for what seemed like an hour, and then I got my reply… He’s fine with it x
"I was in a total state of shock that my dad was actually fine with it."
I replied; Really? Mum’s reply; He said that if you get any grief for it he’ll knock them out xx. *(rucomingout does not encourage violence!)
I breathed a sigh of relief and looked forward to seeing them that weekend as they were coming to visit me. My mum had been texting me throughout the week asking who knew, who she could tell and said that we need to speak alone at some point on the weekend. Some evenings that week I found myself without a care in the world because I had absolutely nothing to worry about at all. I sat there and thought to myself, ‘What next?’
My parents came to see and my mum and I shared the biggest hug ever! We sat and spoke in their hotel room while my dad watched football in the bar. We spoke about everything including “friends” that had actually been boyfriends and I told her that I was proud of who I was and that I didn’t care who knew now because they were the people I were most bothered about knowing. At the time I was angry at the guy who had told my parents. However, everything has settled down now and I look back on it thinking that I'd rather thank him for enabling me to become closer to my parents. I’m totally happy with who I am and couldn’t be happier with life at the moment.
"Something I thought was horrible at the time turned into
something really amazing. It’s true - things do get easier."
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