Amy | 23 | Cheltenham, England | Claims Negotiator

I have seen various people posting their experiences of coming out and I thought that it would be a good opportunity for me to do the same. The reason that I want to do this is to help other people who are struggling with who they are and for them to know it's okay.

I knew I was different to the other girls when I was about 13. I felt really attracted to my P.E. teacher at school. I would always do my best in her class and would get involved with after school activities that she was running just to be around her. She was funny and kind and had a wonderful personality.

"I knew I was different from that moment on but I wouldn't admit it to myself. I now realise that I was in denial. I didn't mention my feelings to any of my friends or family members because I felt completely abnormal, isolated - different."

I had boyfriends - many boyfriends. None of the relationships lasted long or felt right to me. I think I was just doing it to be part of the norm as it was what the others girls were doing and I wanted to fit in. When I was around this age I watched 'Never Been Kissed' starring Drew Barrymore. She was quirky and beautiful; talented and funny. I was fascinated watching her. I became a big fan of hers and ended up crowding all of my wall space in clippings and posters. One included a 6ft by 4ft poster of her!!

As I progressed through secondary school things got harder for me but I tried not to show it to my family and friends.

One day I was in a lesson at school and one of the girls in my class asked me if i was a lesbian. I was so embarrassed and blushed horrendously - even the teacher sniggered. 

"I wanted the floor to open up and let me fall into a pit away from all of them. I denied it."

I was then subject to cyber bullying. I received emails from a girl from school saying some very nasty things. 'You're a dirty lesbian who should be shot.' I was shocked! I had done noting to this person to prevoke her or any of her friends. The power of hindsight has told me that kids are cruel. This was in the early 2000's and some of the views of people in my school were very narrow-minded.

I was still not out at this point.

I went to London on a day out with a friend and we went to the filming of CD:UK. Anyone remember the show that was on after SM:TV live on a Saturday morning in the UK? Well yeah I went there to see the then current music stars of the noughties! When I was there I was drawn to a really attractive girl. She was significantly older than me but we hit it off. I came back home and I continued to chat online to this girl. We starting to see each other secretly.

After a while I built up the confidence to come out to my family. First I told my sister. She is younger than me so she didn't really understand at the time. Her reaction was to burst into tears. Good Start! But I had started so I knew it was time to go and tell my mum. I went downstairs to see her and I sat down next to her in the garden and told her that I had to tell her something. I thought it would be best to say I am bisexual and I thought it would be less of a blow to her. 'Mum I'm bisexual.' She turned around to me and said, "Yes, well I already knew that". I was shocked! How could she have known? I had only just come to terms with it myself!

"She said she already knew because of the 6ft x 4ft poster of Drew Barrymore that I had in my room."

Then she dropped the bombshell that a lot of parents do - "It's just a phase and you will grow out of it." I wanted to bang my head against a brick wall. She had no idea what I was going through or how I was feeling. I asked her to tell my Dad and he reacted fine to it. He has been very supportive.

I knew that telling my friends would be difficult especially following telling my mother. I told a few close friends and they were really good about it and really supportive, but I didnt feel the need to tell everyone. It wasn't everybody's business.

Shorlty after a year of college I decided to move to London to be closer to my girl. Our relationship had blossomed and we were doing great. I went to live with her and her parents for a while.You can imagine my mother's reaction to this. Moving to London, being in a lesbian relationship and with a significantly older partner.

After being together for about a year and a half things didnt work out. It was mostly my fault. I was young and immature. My mother wasn't supportive so I took comfort in having an older partner. We didn't speak for a long time afterwards but we get on well now and she knows I am truly sorry.


In 2008 I moved over to Tenerife on my own to try and go it alone and discover who I was. I love to perform and so I thought I would give it a go out there. I was mostly with men when I was there because there were no openly out lesbian women and I felt embarrassed about who I was. The island is vibrant but it is still not 'with the times'. I felt a bit alone in that sense. There were a couple of people I told about my true self (Shane and Fabio, I love you guys) but it wasn't common knowledge. I was still embarrassed of who I was after all that time.

Now it's 2013. I have had relationships with men and women and know that I am meant to be with women. I find them more supportive and sympathetic and just beautiful. This is just how I feel.

In June of 2012 my life changed for the better. My best friend introduced to me to a colleauge of his and it was love at first sight for both of us. I have never felt so comfortable with who I am.

"We now share a house together and we are saving towards our wedding. She proposed to me in March of this year and we are to be married next year."
More good news is that my family love my fiancee Alex. My Dad is especially fond of her and they have a lot in common. They are all thrilled that we are getting married. Ale's family are really great too. She has a great Mum, Sister and Brother who love us both to pieces and are already helping us with the wedding planning :)

The reason that I wanted to share my story was because I know what it's like to be completely in denial and to not be comfortable with who you are for a long time. It does get easier, it does get better. There is someone out there for you whether you are gay, bisexual, straight or transgender. The most important thing is that you are happy! : )

Follow Amy on Twitter - @amyballs
Read Amy's blog 



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